I woke one morning “knowing” that I was moving to Australia.
I woke up with a deep intuitive knowing that I was going to be extended and pushed out of my comfort zone into new experiences and environments. At the time, I was living in Wellington, New Zealand — and I had a very happy lifestyle. It was a 5-minute walk to the beach where I went kayaking, swimming, and walking with a great community around me. I loved it. I had a great garden and was living off the land. Weekends were spent hiking and mountain biking with friends in the Tararuas, and I was only an hour’s drive from Wellington to go to shows, see bands, and get a city fix. I had every intention of caring on working as a social worker and researched Australian social policies and issues for weeks. Letting go isn’t easy.
Once in oz, I started travelling up the east coast, applying for work in government departments. I had a great time on Magnetic island, Townsville and Cairns. But around this time, the money ran out faster than I anticipated. It was such a slow, slow response from government departments, so I applied for a chef’s position in the mines as I completed my City and Guild trade tickets as a chef in my 20s.
Within 3 weeks, I was working as a chef in Karratha. OMG what a shock! It was hard work and the place was full of testosterone. It was like living on another planet — heavy, harsh dense energy, trying to fit in with the people and environment. I wasn’t coping. It was against my nature and I was in a constant state of OMG. I was shocked that mines paid 20 thousand more than a social worker !!!
I started asking, calling from my heart: “What’s my purpose of working in a mine site?” Once centered and grounded in my heart again, I started sensing and feeling the wairua from the desert. She’s feminine soft, warm, and very beautiful. I was connecting and being called.
After 2 years and very unhappy with the job and environment I was in, I heard a loud commanding voice in meditation saying, “You weren’t born to work and pay bills.” “This is not living or life.”
Wow, this made me stop and think. Initially, I was trying for a job on an oil rig, just because of the stories I’d heard from others, equal time roster which would allow me to travel. I also agreed with myself, “I’m single at present and if I’m not going to have kids, I want a life of adventure, to do everything I’ve always wanted.”
I had been trying to get work offshore without any luck, and then an opportunity arose from the company I was working for, so I took it. After weeks and months of HR dicking me around, I then came to the conclusion that if I am to work offshore, I need to hand my notice in and fully trust 100% in the universe that it will support me. I need to trust that spirit, life will support me, that I am supported, to know it, feel it deep within my soul, that I can and deserve a lifestyle that I’ve only heard about.
It was scary — so scary — not to have regular income or to know where or how my bills were going to be paid. Even though I didn’t have a mortgage, kids, etc., etc., I could feel all my foundations cracking and my beliefs around stability and how I put so much of my energy into controlling and keeping myself/life together to feel safe.
The journey began smashing open my old concepts of “If I’m not ‘in control,’ I’m not safe” and then my intuitive part of me saying “surrender and trust.”
During the 8 weeks, I was waiting for that call to work offshore. I was turned inside out, releasing my ego, surrendering to the unknown, processing fear and limited beliefs from childhood. Man, it was the lowest emotional energetic place I’d been in years, doubting had I done the right thing by handing in my notice. I’d question myself why did I had to be different, why couldn’t I just be happy with my lot in life. My head was filled with negative thoughts of you can’t have more than your parents and siblings and who do you think you are. Life was meant to be a struggle.
“Far out,” I’d tell myself. “That’s old thinking, I can change these subconscious messages that I believed once.” It was like pushing and burning up in a mesosphere atmosphere to another level of life. Beautiful loyal friends were on the end of the phone reassuring me it will happen. Keep trusting; breathe through your tears.
During a meditation, I saw a boat surrounded in pink light. I then had a feeling this is where I am to work, I relaxed and waited. I was like a dog with a bone applying for work — I never gave up.
After reading The Kingdom of the Gods by Geoffrey Hodson where he introduces the Devic and Deva realms, which is a sanskrit word meaning “shining ones” which refers to their self-luminous appearance who associate more with nature than man. All the world’s indigenous people and nations have folklore of beings not normally visible. I was curious, and started wondering if there was a Deva for the oil, how would that work, what would they look, feel, sound like. Was there a ranking kind of system? Who and what is the overlighting Deva? Will they grace me with her/his presence? I would sit in meditation trying to connect to marine life, the wairua of the ocean. Besides drowning myself in my own tears and self pity, I’d read mythology of Tangaroa, Maori god of the sea, mermaids, mermen, stories of Atlantis, sea spirits. I loved it, It made me feel light, fun and very wild and alive.
The call came. It certainly was an adventure working and living on the boat for the first time. I was excited and nervous — you know that feeling when you’re scared, but excited. It was a fantastic feeling when I got on the ship. We were steaming out of the harbour. I felt and saw dolphins and whale energy torpedoing alongside the ship. I felt connected a welcome and an amazing feeling of ecstatic joy. I was so excited I felt so wanted and supported by marine life.
That first day on the high seas was rough, real rough. I spewed, spewed and spewed more. I still had to cook lunch for 18 men, no sympathy here, and I knew it. Everything felt like a test; like I was being tested all the time to see if I was worthy of their unspoken expectations about my cooking skills, the food I served, and what kind of women was I. I found it interesting that no one really spoke to me for over a week.
I was so on edge at first. I just watched and listened to what was said, learning the lingo and protocol offshore. I allowed my confidence and personality to shine and steered my way through a routine living on the boat. Days washed in and out, never knowing what day was what.
The personalities, being heard and speaking up all pushed my buttons while floating around on the Indian ocean. No matter what went on in the ship with the men, I knew deep in the bowels of the the earth I was supposed to be there. My heart was overflowing with gratitude at the opportunity. Yet, I truly didn’t know what I was in for working offshore…